Where is your accent from? DIY Home Accents

Three. More. Weeks.

Only three more weeks until my sweet man and I get to move into our new place!

YAY!

So, naturally, I'm thinking constantly about how I can "jazz it up" without draining my wallet. Surprisingly, I'm finding quite a lot of different ideas and can't wait to get started! As I've said before, our home is small (roughly 1,100 square feet), so I have to get creative. A few of my favorite ideas thus far (some I have shared and some I haven't) are:

1. Paint
2. Hanging plates on the wall
3. Bar stool accents
4. Floating bookshelves

and on, and on, and on...

Today, I'm looking at the plates and bookshelves. See, one of my favorite things that we are putting into this new place is a beautiful, black upright piano that my fiancé got from a friend. Since it is so dark, I wanted to take something bright and decorate it without junking up its top ledge. So, what I'm going to do is collect ten of my favorite decorative plates and hang them on the wall above the piano. That way, I instantly have more color that accentuates the classic look of the instrument.

One of my other favorite ideas for the house is floating bookshelves. Ever since I was in high school, I have adored these tricky little accents because they just look so cool. The shelves themselves form the shape of a small "L" (about 6-8 inches tall with a 4-5 inch lip on the bottom). They hold about four medium sized books stacked on their sides. The cool part, is that the cover of the bottom book goes over the lip of the bookshelf, giving the impression that the books are floating. These pieces are great because they remove items from what may be an overcrowded bookshelf and place them somewhere else that doesn't crowd out another surface. They are also great conversation pieces!

Only three more weeks! I can't wait to share pictures as soon as these master plans are put into action!

DIY Deep Interior Design

Normally, I'm more of an interior design type of writer. Today however, I want to address an entirely different type of "interior design". 

I was on Twitter the other day, and kept seeing tweets that looked like this:

"Every girl deserves this.."

"Every girl should have this kind of guy.."

I am totally for dreaming about the kind of guy you'd want to be with. That's healthy and I sure did my share. But when we start to demand that guys be chivalrous, the situation becomes completely unfair. We, as women, cannot expect guys to be Jesus-loving gentlemen if we aren't first willing to be Christ-centered.

We sure can make it easier for men to be gentlemen if we're willing to meet the same high standards we expect from them.

Here are a few of the things I do to empower myself as a lady and Jacob as a gentleman:

1. Call him out
My pastor, Chris Tomlinson, says that inside every man is either a prince or a punk. It's up to us to speak to the prince, not the punk. I think this applies across the board. Often times, we waste so many words on negativity that people just stop listening. It hasn't always been easy for me, as I'm sure it hasn't been for you, but it is my heart's desire every day to speak life into my guy and others around me because they're worth it. Remember that your guy has the weight of your world on his shoulders too. Let him know he's doing great job and that he's strong. Don't just refrain from the negative. Strive for the positive.

2. Enjoy his company
After you've been together for a long time, the tendency is to get comfortable in your relationship and stop enjoying each other's company. It doesn't have to be like that. There was some point in time where you actually enjoyed spending time together; some point when he was your favorite person in the world. Remember to choose that.

3. Pray for him 
This is a biggie. I never realized how powerful prayer is as spiritual warfare until I started praying for Jacob. Satan doesn't like people that follow God. He launches full-scale attacks on those who love the Lord, and let me tell you, Jacob loves the Lord. I've seen him fight some heavy spiritual battles, and in those moments, it's up to me to fight with him. As women, we are called to be ezer kenegdo, or "help meet". That Hebrew phrase means we're to fight with them. Yes, men are created to carry more emotional, spiritual, and physical weight than we are, but that doesn't mean we can't help them carry it out.

4. Modesty
Don't write me off just yet. I'm not going to advocate for swapping out all of your shorts for capris and committing to turtlenecks forever. I live in Florida, guys. It gets hot here. Like, drive your car with oven mitts, hot. What I am saying though, is that there's a much better way to show people that you're confident in your own skin. God created you so beautiful and so special. You were custom made for a purpose. Do you understand that? You. Are. Beautiful. By wearing clothes that cover a little more and are super cute, by the way, we create an image that perfectly embodies that. Don't sell your incredible self short. You are worth too much for that. The kind of guy you're looking for will be thankful for it.

5. Gratitude
After all is said and done, be thankful for what he does do for you. He opened the door for you? Say "Thank you". Tried (and possibly failed) to surprise you by doing something extra thoughtful? Be thankful. Tell him you so appreciated the gesture and that he is wonderful for thinking of you. You'll both be encouraged to continue the behavior and strengthen the positive communication.

And that's it.

Do you know what happens when I strive to treat both Jacob and myself with the respect and love that Jesus would require? I get my prince. He..

Opens doors for me.
Takes me out on dates.
Texts me to say "Good Morning" and "Goodnight".
Fixes things in my house without me having to ask.
Tells me he loves me and that I'm beautiful and his favorite.
Prays with and for me.

Stands up for me every day.

Too often, we demand chivalrous men but expect punks. We cry when they put us down but are shocked when they shut us out over our negative comments. That's not fair.

If you want a punk, treat him like one.

If you want a prince, treat him like one.

It's that simple.


Like what you're reading? Follow me on Twitter @Smashley355

DIY Living Room: Working With What You've Got.

These last two months haven't been at all what I have expected.

Mold.

Moving. 

Mahem. 

Gross. 

All I wanted was some peace and quiet. All I wanted was some time to reflect and take a breath, thankful that I have a temporary place to live, a wonderful college to go to and a family that is truly the best on this planet. But, as the old song goes, "You can't always get what you want." 

This past Thursday my fiancé and I found out that the current tenants of our new apartment, the apartment we had already said 'yes' to, the apartment that we would be moving into on May 8, decided they weren't going to move anymore. 

Excuse me?

I was heartbroken and so was he. We had finally found a place to call our own and it was ripped out from underneath us faster than we could blink. Unfortunately, there are no rules at that apartment complex stating that they can't back out after giving a sixty day notice. It was horrible for us, but somehow there was peace. 

That's the incredible thing about God. When a door closes, even when it was slammed in your face, he's always got something beautiful waiting. 

And that's just what happened. 

About three days later, one of the groomsmen in our wedding pulled my fiancé aside. He told him that he and his wife had just bought a house and were planning on moving from their cozy, little two-bedroom house. He then proceeded to ask my sweet man if we would want to rent the house from them for $125/month. 

Excuse me?

We went from losing a very expensive, yet wonderful, apartment to being offered a HOUSE. Of course, we accepted the offer and are now waiting to hear back on when exactly we can move in. 

But you know me. All I can think about is paint and carpet and possibilities. The house we've got is small, and one of the biggest complaints I hear about small houses is that it looks small. The key, in this scenario, is for me to make it look bigger than what we've got, which is actually much easier than you might think. Here are some tips on maximizing your space (specifically a living room) without maximizing your budget: 

1. Paint: One of the worst things you can do for a small room is to paint it a dark color. Our plan is to turn our small living room from dark red to cream, opening up the space to the eye and allowing maximum light. 

2. Cut the clutter: Just because we have more space than an apartment doesn't mean we need to use it all. Cut the clutter by removing what isn't necessary and watch how incredible amounts of space open up before your eyes. 

3. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle: Clean out drawers and cabinets and make them work for you! Storing DVDs, books or even pens/pencils in a drawer or cabinet will open up all kinds of free table and counter space. Just trust me.

Where do we go from here? Well, I guess that will continue to reveal itself as time marches on. One thing I do know for sure though is that wherever we end up, it's going to be home. 

DIY Space (Loving the Unexpected)

Recently, I went through a major life change in the way of living arrangements.

For the last year and a half, I was living in a condo in the Town Center. While I did appreciate the convenience of living there, it was always meant to be temporary. I got engaged in August and planned to move around the time of our wedding in June.

Not likely.

You see, throughout the time that I lived there, I kept getting sick more often than I ever had and, being a Jacksonville native, this started to strike me as odd.

So I investigated.

And I found the most mold I had ever seen in one location at one time. 

The dehumidifier was broken, amongst many other issues with the layout of the building itself. I decided to move immediately, not feeling like my health was worth the risk, and ended up moving (temporarily) into my future in-laws' house. It wasn't exactly what I had in mind or really even wanted, that's for sure. 

So, for right now, I'm living in their spare room converted bedroom. As you may be able to imagine, it is tiny and as someone who loves to nest and design where I am, I started to feel trapped. I had to figure something out in order to make my borrowed space feel the slightest bit homy.

The following is one of my favorite ways to personalize nearly any space I'm staying in without changing the entire space around. It's a kind of active, personalized to-do list that you can hang or place just about anywhere. It is my DIY dry erase board. 

What you need: 

1 large picture frame

Your choice wrapping paper/colored paper

scissors

tape

1. Take the picture frame and remove the back, revealing the transparent glass on both sides. 
2. Remove the packaged paper insert that the frame comes with.
3. Take the colored paper and/or wrapping paper and cover the cardboard part of the back the frame so that it will show through the glass.
4. Return the back of the frame to its position on the frame. 
5. Now you are free to write on the glass on start your to-do list. 

Done! This DIY dry erase board can now be used wherever you are living and, depending on the size, can be taken just about anywhere. 

Map

This is a wiki map project created by MMC4630 students.

DIY Jacksonville (Why I love being a native)

I grew up in Florida. Jacksonville, to be specific. Home of M.O.C.A, 7 bridges, and the world's largest cocktail party (FLA/GA-in case you weren't aware). Some would say I'm from southern Georgia, but any true Jacksonville native would most likely beg to differ. Mostly because we're the best. Here's why:

1. Gators vs. Bulldogs
My dad is a Gator. He graduated from the University of Florida with a degree in Broadcast Journalism and Gator-pride. You will never be able to convince him that any other college football team is worth rooting for, especially UGA. That's how most of us down here grew up. Football is the most important thing in the fall and you have to choose. Weather that's FSU, Miami, UF, or UCF, we are die-hards here in Duval.

2. The Beach
It's a culture down here, no doubt. In Jacksonville we have the Intracoastal Waterway (aka "the ditch") which separates suburbia from the sand, linked only by the language of flip-flops. Once you cross over it's like a different world. I guess that's what happens when you live in the largest city (land-wise) in the U.S.

3. One Spark
Two years ago, my city birthed the world's first crowdfunding festival. It's basically a giant-sized block party for entrepreneurs trying to get off the ground and let me say this: it's legit. There's tons of seed money and prizes and food trucks. Food trucks. The shindig is sponsored by the Museum of Contemporary Arts (M.O.C.A) downtown and doesn't disappoint. Did I mention Berlin, Germany has now picked it up? Yes, we're going international.

One of my best friends, Jordan Poole, at his One Spark booth. He was raising money to build homes in Guatemala and will soon be releasing an EP to continue the project. 

4. The Gate River Run
Okay, so this one isn't exactly for everybody, but I've done it for the past two years. It's the largest 15K in the country and a beast to say the least. You run through downtown, San Marco, Riverside, and over 2 of our 7 bridges (The Main Street and the Hart). The race isn't for the faint of heart but it's awesome enough to attract over 20,000 people. I'm about it.

5. TPC
Every year we welcome many of the best golfers on the planet to the Sawgrass Golf Course in Ponte Vedra ("Pont-a Veedra"). There's tee times, country music, and lots of money. We like to put our best fancy foot forward at TPC Sawgrass.

There's so much more to love about Jacksonville, but these are my top 5. Is there something you love about this city that isn't on my list? Let me know!

Twitter: @Smashley355

DIY Soul Restoration (Cobwebs)

I fell.

Like Alice down a hole but I didn't land in Wonderland. I landed in an attic. But it wasn't a dream. It was my reality. I had been pushed out of my world and landed in the "real world", covered in cobwebs and dust.

I look around and find memories I faintly recognize. The writer I was going to be in the third grade. The broadway dancer I wanted to be in the fifth grade. The boy I couldn't let go of in middle school. My cheerleading days in high school. I brush off some dust for a better look. Why is this stuff here?

"A Dream Deferred" indefinitely. The packaged boxes make me claustrophobic, each holding an idea that used to be. What I didn't realize is that I never could let them go and that's why they were there, collecting dust in my attic. I've spent so much of my life buying into thought after thought that I've never gotten to use any of what I'd purchased. So concerned with doing it all that I've don't nothing at all. My heart and mind somehow became that closet no one ever wants to acknowledge is there because its too full of "stuff" you don't need.

So I went through my boxes.

Unforgiveness.

Dreams.  

Resentment.

Hope. 

Honestly, some packages needed unpacking but some needed to be moved out. The unforgiveness I found after cleaning up the hurt dust on top was the first to go. With the help of a Jesus-sized dolly it has been permanently removed.

Then I unpacked a love for writing that I've had for as long as I can remember. Each day that I type a few more words onto a tiny, lit up screen I unpack a little bit more and my heart and mind get a little bit lighter and warmer.

I guess you could say I've been doing a lot of Spring cleaning lately. Every day I'm trying to unpack a little more so that I can settle into the new me. Besides, this "house" is way too expensive to hold all of that dust and clutter. I have been bought by the blood of Jesus and hope you see that value in you too. He loves and adores that little house of yours, so help Him make more room for you to be you.


Like what you're reading? Follow me on Twitter @smashley355

DIY Moving Forward - The Jump

"Pre-School Graduation" © 2005 Gideon Tsang, used under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

                                                                                 
Tears.

Pictures. 

Speeches.

I walk the line through the auditorium. Dead center, I face the ledge. Cheerleaders, thespians, honor students, jocks, dance team. We are all present, standing together one last time. Here, I am my mother's daughter and you are your father's son. By last name we anxiously await to be called, knowing that everything is about to change. 

My mind spins and I can't stop to breathe. Eyes shift from left to right and we know we will never see these faces again. Not like this. I close my eyes and try to lock them in, my souvenirs. His face when he finally asked her out, their cheers as he sunk the winning basket, the sound of the final bell of our year when they took a victory lap around the lockers. Twelve years in this place and tomorrow we're free. Today, we jump. 

I hear my name called as our row stands. Maneuvering in those heels, I pray that I don't trip. Holding that diploma (or lack thereof, for all of you graduates) and shaking the hand of my principal I realize that this is my time. I leave this stage and I am no longer a Providence Stallion or my mother's daughter. I'm not the cheerleading captain and I'm not a senior. I am Ashley. 

So I jump. 

I do what I have been waiting twelve years to do. So scared, so unprepared, but I do it. Do you know what happened?

He caught me. 

So often I realize that I'm scared to jump into the unknown where God is calling me. I know where I come from so that has to be enough. But staying two steps outside of the Promised Land because I'm afraid of how far I might fall is a crime. That day though, I chose to jump because that's the only way the promises of God would come to fruition for me. I had to let go, that day and every day, so that God could be God in my life. 

Today, I sit in my condo and type as an almost college junior, two years out from that day. I am my own person outside of the shelter of my parents and my high school, but only because I decided that jumping into the unknown had to be better than the "what ifs" and "could have beens". Every day I take small hops and big leaps into life so that God has a chance to catch me. Like a toddler jumping to his/her parent for the first time in the pool, I want to close my eyes, squeeze my arms under some Holy Spirit floaties and leap into the unknown. 

Will you choose to jump to Him today? Those strong arms are reaching for you, waiting to grab hold of His child. 

“It’s the oldest story in the world. One day you’re seventeen and planning for someday. And then quietly and without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And that someday is yesterday. And this is your life.” - Nathan Scott "One Tree Hill"

Like what you're reading? Follow me on Twitter @smashley355

DIY Dating (Why participating matters)

DIY Dating (Why participating matters) by Ashley Marsh is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

Four and a half years is a long time. Especially when you're dating (that's right, dating) the same person. Admitting to being crazy about each other in our sophomore year of high school seemed like a great idea at the time. Except that we're meant to be.

Seriously though, I love my guy. He's more than I ever could have asked for in a boyfriend and future husband. But just dating is hard. Most people get bored with each other after a few months, much less a few years.

So how do we do it?

I've been asked this more times than I can count. I guess it's because Jacob and I are somewhat of an anomaly, since we also haven't kissed yet -- yeah, that's a real thing. So I suppose we could write the book on the subject.

Well, here's 5 things we've survived on over the last four and a half years:

1. Date Night
A well-meaning person once told me that Jacob and I shouldn't have date night because we'll get too close and that is sure to lead to things we shouldn't be doing. Right. Things like talking, getting to know each other, and investing in our relationship. Actually dating the person you're dating is important, people. And going to parties, church, or school together doesn't count. Grabbing dinner doesn't have to mean you end up alone together at your apartment.

2. Choices
We choose each other all over again every day. It seems like a weird concept, but every day I wake up and say, "Yep. He's still the guy for me and he's still my best friend." I don't like to let myself get too used him because that's when we become bored with a beautiful, God-breathed relationship.

3. Laugh
No one makes me laugh like Jacob does and that's because no one knows me like he does. You see, to make someone laugh is to connect with a deeper part of him/her. You've got to understand what they like, don't like, and how to make that funny for that person in particular. The way I see it, the more you can laugh with someone, the better off you both are. Plus, taking yourself too seriously is entirely overrated.

4. Share
When we first started dating, he and I were actually pretty different. I liked country music, he liked rock. I loved sweet tea, he preferred to mix all the different types of juices he could find in the house. Over time, we've learned to share these things with one another and are finding that our likes are converging. I've become an avid movie watcher and he has started to read more. I've been more upfront about what I'm feeling and he's been more patient with me.

5. Prayer
We've also had people tell us that praying together produces intimacy that we aren't ready for. Well, they were right about one thing -- prayer does produce intimacy, but in such a way that you become bonded together for the cause of Christ. When you pray together, your relationship becomes something more than just the two of you. You're (theoretically) asking God to do as He pleases with you together and even if you aren't, you're inviting Him in and I promise, He'll do what He pleases anyway. God specializes in making something out of nothing, and I can tell you that if you will present your relationship to Him, He will use whatever story comes out of it for His ultimate glory.



Like what you're reading? Follow me on Twitter at @smashley355

DIY Distressed Dresser

As a college student surviving on microwave mac-n-cheese and scholarships, I can tell you that finding furniture that isn't made of plastic is difficult. I, for one, want to be able to fill my house with pieces that reflect who I am and where I am going in life. I want my home to reflect who I am.

For the longest time after moving into my current apartment, I lived without a dresser because I couldn't find one for less than hundreds of dollars. Until I went thrift shopping.

I ended up at the Salvation Army off of Beach Blvd one Saturday morning. I like that store because of their layout (tons of space) and surplus of nicer furniture. I mean, you aren't going to find the latest Anthropology couch there, but you can find your future look-a-like. That's what I did.

I came across this dresser inside the store that was an off-white color with a light brown wooden top. It stood about four feet high off of the ground and the wooden top was broken with holes on the sides that revealed the inside of the top drawer. It was one hundred dollars and I decided to go for it.

Since I live in an apartment with no space to do hard labor, I took the dresser to my finance's parents' house down the road. Thankfully, they have a spacious garage with plenty of room and tools to do the work. So we began.

First, we took the power sander that they have and began shaving down the outer, glossy finish layer. Paint will not stick on that layer unless it has something to grip. Then I painted the entire bottom part dark brown and let it dry overnight. While the paint was drying, we leveled the wooden top with wood glue and device that would hold pressure on the planks while they dried.

The next day, I painted over the dark brown paint with an off-white color I bought from Home Depot. I made sure that I got two coats but let the paint dry between the two. While I was waiting for that to dry, I took some satin finish, dark brown wood stain and stained the now leveled top of the dresser. I let that dry overnight as well.

The next day, I lightly sanded a few key areas of the white paint to produce a distressed look. The dresser now looks just like my favorite one from Anthropology for one quarter of the price. I even bought some knobs from Anthropology to replace the ones from the original dresser. That's what I call a win!

What They Called Themselves - 31 Days

So there's this thing called Write 31 Days that starts today (October 1). The challenge is to choose one topic and dive deep in just one month's time, inspiring writers to write more and readers to read more.

Simple enough....right?

Wrong.

I've been mulling over this for weeks, trying to decide whether or not it was worth the stress of having to figure out a topic to stay writing on for THIRTY-ONE days. Thirty-one!

Don't these people know that I'm a full-time student, part-time employee, part-time-babysitter, youth worker, fiancé, daughter.... Right.

And just like that I've found my topic.

Sometimes I am so stressed that I literally cannot form one cohesive thought and yet, that doesn't stop me from saying 'yes' to everything. And I do mean everything.

Do you ever feel that way?

Like, life has spun so far out of control that all you can do is cry?

Me too.

But it doesn't have to be this hard. It shouldn't be this hard. God has made us for joy and peace and laughter just because. He sent Jesus to this earth because life is not supposed to be so full of anxiety and stress. If He sent Jesus to pay the price, then why do I keep beating myself up because I can't be everything to everyone?

Genesis 3:10-12 says, "He replied, 'I was afraid because I was naked.' 'Who told you that you were naked?' The Lord God asked. 'Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?'"

Adam tells God that he hid because he was naked, but God's response is what breaks my heart. So often I have pictured God as being angry in this moment. I always feel like He's disappointed in humankind, in me, for the things I have done wrong. But this morning, I saw a different side of God.

He is genuinely asking, "Who told you this about yourself? I certainly didn't speak this over you. That's not what I had in mind for you."

In that, I break.

I now see a Father who isn't mad and doesn't want revenge. He's sad. He's sad because this wonderful creation He sees as having so much untapped potential has identified itself with something other than Him. We allow so much unnecessary fear and stress into our lives when we believe anyone other than God. That's what I want to explore.

As I sit here and type, I've got a messy kitchen, day-three hair, and a way-too-early Christmas Tree-scented candle. I spent the entire morning babysitting and desperately need a shower. I certainly don't know what these next 30 days, much less 30 minutes, will hold, but I do know that amidst the chaos, I have an anchor, and that's enough. He is always enough.



Twitter: @Smashley355

Shearer Bliss

My love had always been there.

He played the trumpet in the back of our sixth grade band. We took the same advanced spanish class in eighth grade. He was in my tenth grade chemistry class and my ninth grade history group and that english "pod" we had that one time.

And now we're getting married.

On August 24th, 2014, on the beach, surrounded by unlit candles and a threatening tropical storm, he asked me for my forever and I said 'yes'.

'Yes'. That word has never sounded better to me.

But it didn't always sound so good. Saying 'yes' to God before I said 'yes' to Jacob sometimes hurt so badly I didn't think I'd be able to make it because love is about so much more than kisses and pretty words and "Good Morning" texts every day. It's about choosing and sacrificing and knowing that God Himself is the only reason why you're still breathing.

But boy, am I breathing.

There is something so freeing about living right in the center of God's will. From choosing colleges, to leaving our home church, to getting engaged, Jacob and I have had to make some tough decisions over the last few years. Decisions I didn't know I was old enough to make on my own.

But here we are.

Twenty and finishing school and working for a living. After all this time all I know is that I don't. God does. And He speaks to me.

If there's a lesson to learn from our mistakes, it's that no one knows God's plan and purpose for your life except for God Himself. He's in the business of making something out of nothing and I have full faith that He will do so with my life, no questions asked. So when your well-meaning friends and family decide that God intends on speaking only to them about your future, just smile and say "Thank You" because God's got plans for their lives too.

They just might not know it yet.



So, if you'd like, stay tuned for updates on the road to "I do" via Facebook, Twitter (@smashley355), or our wedding hashtag #ShearerBliss.

Stop the Madness: Who Is Actually Killing Chivalry?

I was on Twitter the other day, and kept seeing tweets that looked like this:

"Every girl deserves this.."

"Every girl should have this kind of guy.."

I am totally for dreaming about the kind of guy you'd want to be with. That's healthy and I sure did my share. But when we start to demand that guys be chivalrous, the situation becomes completely unfair. We, as women, cannot expect guys to be Jesus-loving gentlemen if we aren't first willing to be Christ-centered.

We sure can make it easier for men to be gentlemen if we're willing to meet the same high standards we expect from them.

Here are a few of the things I do to empower myself as a lady and Jacob as a gentleman:

1. Call him out
My pastor, Chris Tomlinson, says that inside every man is either a prince or a punk. It's up to us to speak to the prince, not the punk. I think this applies across the board. Often times, we waste so many words on negativity that people just stop listening. It hasn't always been easy for me, as I'm sure it hasn't been for you, but it is my heart's desire every day to speak life into my guy and others around me because they're worth it. Remember that your guy has the weight of your world on his shoulders too. Let him know he's doing great job and that he's strong. Don't just refrain from the negative. Strive for the positive.

2. Enjoy his company
After you've been together for a long time, the tendency is to get comfortable in your relationship and stop enjoying each other's company. It doesn't have to be like that. There was some point in time where you actually enjoyed spending time together; some point when he was your favorite person in the world. Remember to choose that.

3. Pray for him 
This is a biggie. I never realized how powerful prayer is as spiritual warfare until I started praying for Jacob. Satan doesn't like people that follow God. He launches full-scale attacks on those who love the Lord, and let me tell you, Jacob loves the Lord. I've seen him fight some heavy spiritual battles, and in those moments, it's up to me to fight with him. As women, we are called to be ezer kenegdo, or "help meet". That Hebrew phrase means we're to fight with them. Yes, men are created to carry more emotional, spiritual, and physical weight than we are, but that doesn't mean we can't help them carry it out.

4. Modesty
Don't write me off just yet. I'm not going to advocate for swapping out all of your shorts for capris and committing to turtlenecks forever. I live in Florida, guys. It gets hot here. Like, drive your car with oven mitts, hot. What I am saying though, is that there's a much better way to show people that you're confident in your own skin. God created you so beautiful and so special. You were custom made for a purpose. Do you understand that? You. Are. Beautiful. By wearing clothes that cover a little more and are super cute, by the way, we create an image that perfectly embodies that. Don't sell your incredible self short. You are worth too much for that. The kind of guy you're looking for will be thankful for it.

5. Gratitude
After all is said and done, be thankful for what he does do for you. He opened the door for you? Say "Thank you". Tried (and possibly failed) to surprise you by doing something extra thoughtful? Be thankful. Tell him you so appreciated the gesture and that he is wonderful for thinking of you. You'll both be encouraged to continue the behavior and strengthen the positive communication.

And that's it.

Do you know what happens when I strive to treat both Jacob and myself with the respect and love that Jesus would require? I get my prince. He..

Opens doors for me.
Takes me out on dates.
Texts me to say "Good Morning" and "Goodnight".
Fixes things in my house without me having to ask.
Tells me he loves me and that I'm beautiful and his favorite.
Prays with and for me.

Stands up for me every day.

Too often, we demand chivalrous men but expect punks. We cry when they put us down but are shocked when they shut us out over our negative comments. That's not fair.

If you want a punk, treat him like one.

If you want a prince, treat him like one.

It's that simple.


Like what you're reading? Follow me on Twitter @Smashley355

Better In Time

Me: Circa de 1999. Outfit complete with leggings and some unbeatable white sneaks. 

At the end of June, I celebrated my 20th birthday. Just typing feels so strange because there is a certain finality that comes with the change of a decade.

Turning 10 means that you're no longer a little kid. You're still clueless, but for the first time you're really aware of how much you don't know. 

Turning 20 means adulthood. Well, sort of. If you're doing the college thing, you are most likely half way through and halfway independent, which means you're expected to kind of know what you're doing. *insert scoffing from college students everywhere*

Turning 30 is the editing phase. You're much more established and are building on the lessons (or in some cultures known as "epic fails") you learned in your 20's. You definitely don't have it all figured out yet, but the fact that you're out of college and are (hopefully) pleasantly surprised by your career path should be a good indicator that you're headed in the right direction.

I'm definitely in the middle of cluelessness and understanding. Though I feel like I've always been much older, mentally, I'm still scared that the choices I'll make over the next 10 years won't be the right ones. Have you ever felt that before? Like the entire weight of your future rests on the decisions you're making right now?

Well, instead of embarking on some incredible resolution for my 20's as I seek to impress you with my nonexistent leg up on life, I've decided to go in a different direction. Throughout these next few years, I want to go back; a 10-year-long #ThrowbackThursday, if you will.

Rather than focusing on what I need to become, I want to return to some of the things I experienced and loved as a kid (8-18) in an effort to relearn much of what God has been teaching me up to this point in my life. After all, how long can a building last without a solid foundation?

Not that I don't have a good base for my life. I mean, I'm built on the rock of Christ, my Love, my Life, my Everything.

I do, however, think that there's things I've missed along the way, like:

Parents' advice.

Teachers' teachings.

Whispers of God.

I'd like to try and reclaim some of that before I'm too set to go back. I want to be filled with the childlike faith I used to have so that I can obey God's callings with reckless abandon.

I never want to be too grown up to listen to my Father and trust that He has my best interests at heart.



Like what you're reading? Follow me on Twitter at @smashley355 and tell me about your best lessons you've learned/are learning in your 20's. I'd love to hear your story!

Dancing in the Minefields (5 Practical Tips for Christian Dating)

Four and a half years is a long time. Especially when you're dating (that's right, dating) the same person. Admitting to being crazy about each other in our sophomore year of high school seemed like a great idea at the time. Except that we're meant to be.

Seriously though, I love my guy. He's more than I ever could have asked for in a boyfriend and future husband. But just dating is hard. Most people get bored with each other after a few months, much less a few years.

So how do we do it?

I've been asked this more times than I can count. I guess it's because Jacob and I are somewhat of an anomaly, since we also haven't kissed yet -- yeah, that's a real thing. So I suppose we could write the book on the subject.

Well, here's 5 things we've survived on over the last four and a half years:

1. Date Night
A well-meaning person once told me that Jacob and I shouldn't have date night because we'll get too close and that is sure to lead to things we shouldn't be doing. Right. Things like talking, getting to know each other, and investing in our relationship. Actually dating the person you're dating is important, people. And going to parties, church, or school together doesn't count. Grabbing dinner doesn't have to mean you end up alone together at your apartment.

2. Choices
We choose each other all over again every day. It seems like a weird concept, but every day I wake up and say, "Yep. He's still the guy for me and he's still my best friend." I don't like to let myself get too used him because that's when we become bored with a beautiful, God-breathed relationship.

3. Laugh
No one makes me laugh like Jacob does and that's because no one knows me like he does. You see, to make someone laugh is to connect with a deeper part of him/her. You've got to understand what they like, don't like, and how to make that funny for that person in particular. The way I see it, the more you can laugh with someone, the better off you both are. Plus, taking yourself too seriously is entirely overrated.

4. Share
When we first started dating, he and I were actually pretty different. I liked country music, he liked rock. I loved sweet tea, he preferred to mix all the different types of juices he could find in the house. Over time, we've learned to share these things with one another and are finding that our likes are converging. I've become an avid movie watcher and he has started to read more. I've been more upfront about what I'm feeling and he's been more patient with me.

5. Prayer
We've also had people tell us that praying together produces intimacy that we aren't ready for. Well, they were right about one thing -- prayer does produce intimacy, but in such a way that you become bonded together for the cause of Christ. When you pray together, your relationship becomes something more than just the two of you. You're (theoretically) asking God to do as He pleases with you together and even if you aren't, you're inviting Him in and I promise, He'll do what He pleases anyway. God specializes in making something out of nothing, and I can tell you that if you will present your relationship to Him, He will use whatever story comes out of it for His ultimate glory.



Like what you're reading? Follow me on Twitter at @smashley355

Denied

When I think of denial, I think of college letters, credit cards and that awful hotline many of you may have either given out or (God forbid) received sometime between the ages 12 and 16. I also think of this picture:

I haven't decided if that's sacrilegious or not yet, but either way, it's hilarious. 

My pastor put it differently this morning. We're doing a series called "Forgotten God" (Francis Chan's book title but not the same material) about the Holy Spirit. He talked about how the Holy Spirit is indeed a person of God, much like your mind, spirit, and physical body are three separate entities but still 100% you. When we deny one part, we deny all parts. 

He went on to describe various ways in which we deny the Holy Spirit. One of those ways was believing He's there and willing and able to act, move, and heal but refusing to walk it out. As soon as he said that, it dawned on me in that movie theater seat: 

That's my problem. 

God is reshaping, reforming, and refocusing me. My life looks less like mine every day and praise Him for that. In Jesus' name I am tired of not being so hopelessly in love with my Savior that I can't just do what He says. By not immediately obeying the movings of God in my life I am denying that He is who He says He is.

Last time I checked, I was a child of God. Not an adult or even a sassy teenager. I am God's kid and always will be. I guess it's time I start obeying without question. I hear that it usually leads to more peace, more freedom, and more love.


Like what you're reading? Follow me on Twitter at @smashley355

Every Plant

I'm in college, a workout enthusiast, a perfectionist and a Jesus lover. So my morning thoughts usually look like this: 

Morning already? 

Do I have time for the gym? 

Yes, I should if I get up now. 

On 3. 1, 2... no.  

But what if I don't have time for breakfast or a devotional? 

If I don't have time for breakfast, then I may pass out in class.

Then Jacob would have to leave work to come and get me. 

No, can't have that. 

So, breakfast then. 

But what about that homework? 

Ugh. I forgot about that. 

I'll fail for sure. 

I should probably get up now and get started. 

1, 2, yes! 

That's all before getting out of bed. Writing it all out here on the screen makes me think about how ridiculous those thoughts are. So many of us do it though:

Will I have time for...? 

What if my kids don't...? 

How will I handle it if...?

We weren't created for worry. Physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Today's culture has so normalized being worried and afraid of the unknown when God just says "Stop". We often think about sin as lust or gossip but the truth is, by letting little things like worry take root in our lives we end up choking out the truths God has planted there Himself. We actually put those thoughts before what God says, creating idols. We are consumed with: 

What if I'm not good enough? Instead of "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

What if something happens? Instead of "You are not far from the Kingdom of God." (Mark 12:34)

What if I'm not taken care of? Instead of "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find." (Matthew 7:7)

I say all of this because I am studying a book that is waking me up. It's called "Weeds of the Mind" by Aaron Maners, a pastor in Orlando who came to speak at our church yesterday. In just the first few pages, I'm wrecked forever. He talks about how weeds are sneaky, slow to creep in, and tend to take over. That's exactly what these thoughts have been in my life. I am so concerned with what might happen that I lose sight of what Jesus has already said will happen: 

Victory. 

Purpose. 

Meaning. 

Matthew 15:13 says, "Jesus replied, 'Every plant not planted by my Heavenly Father will be uprooted.'" To me, that means the stuff I've gotten so used to hearing that I believe it. 

What weeds could you identify, isolate and remove from your everyday life to make room for joy today? 

I would love to hear your thoughts about this. Comment below or follow me on Twitter @Smashley355 and Tweet me your experiences with "weeds". 

Being Endorsed

You know those days when your fullest intention is to be this superstar christian and read an entire book of the Bible but instead God just won't let you forget one verse? That verse ends up being so prevalent in your life that you can't seem to not think about it all day long?

Conviction.

That happened to me this morning. I spent at least twenty minutes soaking in Galatians 1:1 (NLT).

I know, right. Of all places to get stuck- the starting line. Here's what the verse says:

"This letter is from Paul, an apostle. I was not appointed by any group of people or any human authority, but by Jesus Christ Himself and by God the Father, who raised Jesus from the dead."

Lately I've been battling lies of the enemy. He tells me no one cares and that I'm not equipped. He reminds me of the hurtful words of others. He sinks his nasty claws into my flesh and doesn't let go.

But I have called you, daughter. You are called and special and filled with purpose. 

God showed me that human endorsement means absolutely nothing when it comes to His calling on my life. Paul had no one on his team when he first started his ministry. In fact, most people-religious people-were out to stop him, on purpose. But Paul had hope in nothing less than Jesus Christ who called him. That endorsement means a thousand times more than any Twitter Followers, Facebook Likes, or books sold. I could write for the rest of my life without one reader and God would still be proud because I did something with His calling on my life.

So will you pray with me today? That we would be a people with a thirst for life in Jesus' name; A people who don't wait for life to happen to us. I'm praying today that we would happen to life.



Like what you're reading? Follow me on Twitter at @smashley355

Favorites

Wow! Is it really already May? All of a sudden I find myself in my junior year of college, about to turn twenty, living in a condo in the middle of my city. I can walk to get groceries from Publix and a bagel from Panera. Needless to say, my life is becoming my favorite.

You know what I mean? Like I'm no longer (for the most part) concerned with how he's living his life or how she conducts herself because I am me, and my life is my favorite.

But before I get in too deep, here are a few of my other favorites from this past April:

Olan Rogers:

I cannot say enough great things about this guy. He loves Jesus, storytelling, and pizza parties. This particular video is about his paint-balling experiences as a middle schooler. Needless to say, it is one of the most quoted videos in my home.

Packing Light by Allison Vesterfelt: After accepting Jon Acuff's Empty Shelf Challenge, I embarked on a book frenzy of sorts. My 13th read was Packing Light by Allison Vesterfelt and to say I was convicted would be an understatement. Her words about a trip she took across the country challenged me to leave behind unnecessary baggage and "leave my expectations at the door." From now on, I'm packing light.

This:

I dare you not to like this meme. I was at small group last night when my leader started talking about this story about Peter from the Bible. I absolutely could not picture this scenario any other way. I mean, seriously. This is hilarious!

Imaginiff

"Imagine if Christian and Ben were secret agents. Who would be 007?" My small group played this game the other night. Normally, I'm really not one for board games but to avoid being that person in the room that refuses to play, I decided to give it a go. I can honestly say I haven't laughed that hard in a while. Most of the answers were totally bogus, but I feel like if you can't laugh at yourself every once in a while, you are seriously missing out on a whole different realm of joy.





All in all, April has been a pretty great month full of newfound joy in the little things. I feel like God puts these funny things in my life to remind me that He has put me here on this earth to enjoy life. I pray that you get to discover a little bit more of His joy in this coming new month!

Now, what were your favorites from April? I'd love to hear about what God is doing in your life! Feel free to leave me comments :)


Like what you're reading? Follow me on Twitter at @smashley355.

Duty and Destiny

I didn't want to go. I didn't want to go like a five-year-old doesn't want to drink that cough syrup all our moms have made us take at some point. You watch it, tiptoe around it, and maybe she just won't notice. I mean, this cough isn't that bad. I'm sure I'll get over it.

But that's the thing about God. He isn't in the business of bandaids. He calls us to fullness of healing and greater tomorrows. I had a bitter pill to swallow in order to do what I knew in my gut He wanted me to do. So I went.

Scared.

Heartbroken.

Frustrated.

Like a bone, He allowed me to be broken so that I could be set in a familiar place, but in the right way; to heal properly. Can I tell you a secret? Just between us?

It worked.

I fell back into old steps like never before and joy flooded my soul. What I first saw as my duty became a part of my destiny in Christ. I was completely and utterly dependent on Him to form something out of my brokenness and it was beautiful.

You see, sometimes God sends us back into the desert we just came out of with a map. Like, "Okay, you've been here before. Now what can you do differently this time?" Did you know that the Israelites, the ones who wandered in the desert for forty years were actually only a few days' journey from their destination originally? God let them wander so that they would learn to trust Him, wholeheartedly, before leading them straight into the Promised Land.

I say all this to say that God could have offered me the same opportunities in the place I was in. I wouldn't have had to say goodbyes or hurt or deal with the bitterness. But He allowed me to be broken so that I could be set in right standing with a direct map to the Promised Land, more abundant than before. He wanted my duty to become a wonderful destiny, replacing the old memories with new ones. I am thankful for the heartache in the long run. I am. Because God's grace is bigger than me and it always will be.


Like what you're reading? Follow me on Twitter at @smashley355